Saturday, January 3, 2009

Chocolate Cakes

One time I ruined a little girl's birthday party and accidentally set Scooby Doo's tail on fire. My good friend, Angela was throwing a birthday party for her daughter Salamay, who was turning 9-years-old on the same day I had my friend, Donna’s bachelorette party to attend. Both friends asked me to help out with preparations, which I did so obligingly. My responsibility was to order a male stripper for Donna and a costumed character for Salamay. Angela told me Salamay loved Scooby Doo. No problem. I triple checked to make sure I gave the correct addresses so the beefy fireman wouldn’t surprise a group of preteens and Donna wouldn’t have to be fondled by a man in a dog outfit. Everything was in order. Both parties were on a Saturday, and I had gone out the night before self-assured that I had done my job. I woke up with a bit of a hangover to Angela’s phone call making sure everything was in order. “And you picked up the cake too Jilly?” Angela asked me. “Yes. Don’t worry” I told her. In fact, I had picked up two cakes. The chocolate cakes were however, very different. The one I picked up for the bachelorette party came from an erotic bakery. Needless to say, I grabbed the wrong box out of my refrigerator and trotted off to Salamay’s party. I was right on time as was Scooby Doo. My plan was to stay for a few hours, run home shower and put on something slinky before heading to the bachelorette party. Anyway, to make a long story short, I was holding one of those long lighters that you’d use to light a barbeque grill when Scooby Doo led Salamay and her friends into the kitchen in a Conga line. Angela was scrambling around trying to remember where she’d put the birthday candles when Salamay stopped in her tracks and opened the cake box on the kitchen table. She screamed in horror. “What the fuck!” Said Scooby Doo. Staring Salamay in the face was an enormous chocolate penis. I ran over, my mouth agape and stood there dumbfounded. Then Scooby Doo yelled out “Ah, you crazy bitch! You just set my tail on fire!” I hadn’t realized the flame of the lighter was exposed. Scooby Doo ran over to the sink to douse himself when all of the little girls began to cry. I left early embarrassed, once again, and was so distraught that I didn’t even go to the bachelorette party. Instead, I hired a bike messenger to stop by my apartment to pick up the cake for Donna’s party. I knew it was a chocolate cake shaped like Scooby Doo but I really didn’t care at this point. Well, I don’t know what happened along the way... maybe the bike messenger went over a curb too hard or fell or something, but I got a call from Donna the next day asking me what happened? Sorry, I told her, I wasn’t feeling very good. So how did everything go? I asked. “Good” she told me “except that was the strangest shaped chocolate penis cake I’d every seen.”

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