Thursday, January 15, 2009

Pucker Up

My naivety has been the cause of many a great embarrassing situation. And so in educating myself to the finer things in life, I began to take night courses at a local Adult School. Some of the courses offered sounded kind of lame such as Quilt Making 101, Turkish as a Second Language, and So You Want To be a Magician. But there was one that struck a chord; The World Of Music. The introductory class was on Thursday nights and the teacher, Mr. Kirk Chasen was gorgeous. I looked forward to the class although, after about a month, I realized I was no more knowledgeable in melody, harmony or composition that a deaf mute. All I did in class was fantasize about Mr. Chasen banging my brains out on the baby grand. He was about ten years older but there was no wedding ring on his finger so I figured I might have a chance. The Adult School was a part-time gig for Mr. Chasen, who taught music at a local elementary school. In my class he mentioned that he had a passion for collection old instruments, so when I found one at a yard sale, I bought it. “It's ugly. It’s kinda old and rusty.” said my friend, Angela when I showed it to her. “Well, it’s for this guy. This teacher. Kirk Chasen.” I said. “That’s my teacher.” Said Angela’s daughter, Salamay who was in the next room watching cartoons on the television set. The next day, Salamay apparently told Mr. Chasen that her friend’s mom wanted to give him a ‘rusty trombone.’ The following Thursday night, we had a surprise test. I know for a fact I did lousy. Had the test been about how Mr. Chasen and I may have ‘made beautiful music together,’ then I'm sure it would have been a breeze. Also, in thinking about what Angela had said about the trombone, I left it at home and was having second thoughts about giving it to him. I did notice that Mr. Chasen gave me a strange smirk when I handed my test in. The following week, Mr. Chasen asked if I could stick around after class ended so he could have a word with me. Great, I thought. He’s probably going to chastise me about how crummy I did. Instead, he locked the door and dropped his pants. “Go for it Jilly,” he said as he threw a leg up on the desk and stuck his ass in my face. Why does this shit always happen to me? Why? What I did learn in the World Of Music class was that a ‘rusty trombone’ is when someone sticks their tongue in a guy’s ass while simultaneously jerking him off. So without going into details, let’s just say I passed.

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